Pilot: "Good Morning, Frankfurt ground, KLM 242 request start up and push back, please."
(Turbinen starten und vom Terminal zurückschieben lassen)
Tower: "KLM 242 expect start up in two hours."
Pilot: "Please confirm: Two hours delay?"
Tower: "Affirmative"
Pilot: "In that case, cancel the Good Morning!"
English
TOWER: "Delta Oscar Mike, squawk 0476."
PILOT: "Say again!"
TOWER: "Squawk 0476."
PILOT: "Four, zero...?"
TOWER: "Wollen Sie´n leichteren haben?"
TOWER: "Flamingo 019, do you have a Springbock in sight, twelve o´clock five miles crossing from left to right?"
PILOT: "If you mean a 737...?"
TOWER: "Yeah, you got it, you got it!"
PILOT: "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as You wish, but please stay inside the plane till we land...It´s a bit cold outside, and if You walk on the wings, it affects the flight pattern."
PILOT: "Bratislava Tower, this is Oscar Oscar Kilo established ILS 16." TOWER: "Oscar Oscar Kilo, Guten Tag, cleared to land 16, wind calm - and by the way: This is Wien Tower."
PILOT (Nach einer Denkpause): "Bratislava Tower, Oscar Oscar Kilo passed the outer maker." TOWER: "Oscar Oscar Kilo roger, and once more: You are approaching Vienna!" PILOT (Nach einer Denkpause): "Confirm: This is NOT Bratislava?" TOWER: "You can believe me, this is Vienna!" PILOT (Nach einer ernauten Pause): "But why? We want to go to Bratislava, not to Vienna." TOWER: "Oscar Oscar Kilo, roger. Discontinue approach, turn left 030 and climb to 5000 feet, vectors to Bratislava."
From a Southwest Airlines employee: "Welcome aboard Southwest Flight Washington to Las Vegas.
To operate Your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the buckle and pull tight. It works just like every other seatbelt and if You don´t know how to operate one, You probably shouldn´t be out in public unsupervised.
In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will be descend from the ceiling.
Stop screaming, grab the mask and pull it over Your face.
If You have a small child traveling with You, secure Your mask before assisting with theirs.
If You are traveling with two small chidren, decide now, which one You love more."
Eine DC-3, ohne Farbanstrich, aber mit gepflegt glänzender Aluminiumhaut, rollt zum Start.
TOWER: "N147, what kind of polish do You use?"
PILOT: "Speed only, Sir!"
Pilot:
"Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now. So I am going to switch the seat belt signs off. Feel free to move about as You wish, but please stay inside the plane till we land. It´s a bit cold outside, and if You walk on the wings, it affects the flight pattern."
Flight Attendant:
"We do feature a smoking section on this flight. If You must smoke, contact a member of the flight crew and we will escort You to the wing of the airplane."
Flight Attendant:
"There may be 50 ways to leave Your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane."
Die Lotsen am Frankfurter Flughafen sind international wohl als ziemlich unfreundlich bekannt. So erwarten sie unter anderem, dass die ankommenden Piloten ihre Parkplätze genau kennen.
So kam es eines Tages zu folgendem Funkverkehr:
BA 747 (Speedbird 206): "Good Morning, Frankfurt. Speedbird 206 clear to active."
Ground: "Good Morning. Taxi Your gate."
The British Airways 747 pulls onto the main taxiway and stops.
Ground: "Speedbird 206, do You know where You are going?"
Speedbird 206: "Stand by, ground. I´m looking up the gate location now."
Groung (impatiently): "Speedbird 206, have You never flown to Frankfurt before?"
Speedbird 206 (cooly): "Yes, in 1944. But I didn´t stop..."
PILOT: "Tower, please call me a fuel truck!"
TOWER: "Roger. You´re a fuel truck!"
On some airbases the military is on one side of the field and the civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the middle.
One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking: "What time is it?"
The tower responded: "Who is calling?"
The aircraft replied: "What difference does it make?"
The tower replied: "It makes a lot of difference:
If You´re an United Airlines Flight, it´s 3 o´clock.
If You´re an Air Force Flight, it´s 15.00.
If You´re a Navy Flight, it´s 6 bells.
If You´re an Army Flight, the big hand is on 12 and the little hand is on the 3.
If You´re a Marine Corps Flight, it´s Thursday afternoon."
Verirrter Flugschüler (während eines Überlandflugs):
"Unknown airport with a Cessna 150 circling overhead. Identify yourself, please!"
PILOT: "Does the enemy F-16 come from east or west?"
TOWER: "Yes!"
PILOT: "Yes, what?"
TOWER: "Yes, SIR!"
TOWER: "Delta Romeo Zulu, confirm you are inbound to Sulz NDB?"
PILOT: "Affirm, but we don´t receive it."
TOWER: "Mission 123, do you have problems?"
PILOT: "I think, I have lost my compass."
TOWER: "Judging the way you are flying, you lost the whole instrument panel!"
PILOT: "Mayday Mayday - We have a problem: We are a problem, too...."
From the pilot through his welcome message: "We are pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry - unfortunately none of them are on this flight."
After landing: "Last one off the plane must clean it."
TOWER: "Shamu Two Two, please state estimated time of arrival."
PILOT: "I think, Tuesday would be nice..."
TOWER: "Lufthansa 893, number one, check for workers on the taxiway!"
PILOT: "Roger...(nach kurzer Pause)...We´ve checked the workers. They are all working."
Flight Attendant:
"Smoking in the lavatories is prohibited. Any person caught smoking in the lavatories will be asked to leave the plane immediately.
Flight Attendant:
"Your seat cushions can be used for floatation. And in the event of an emergency water landing, please take them with our compliments."
Zwei Düsenjäger fliegen in Formation.
Rechter Pilot counting down: "One, zero - turn left!"
Linker Pilot: "Did You say 'left'?"
Rechter Pilot: "Right!"
Linker Pilot: "Right!"
TOWER: "You have traffic at 10 o´clock, 6 miles!"
PILOT: "Give us another hint, we have digital watches!"
TOWER: "Cannot read You, say again!"
PILOT: "Again!"
Captain (nach einer misslungenen Landung):
Ladies and Gentlemen, it`s happy hour. You just received two landings for one."
PILOT: "Tower, can I have a rough time-check?"
TOWER: "It is Tuesday, Sir!"
Tower: "Delta Fox Alpha, hold position, Marshall will park you."
Pilot: "Roger. Looking out for John Wayne."